The Difficulties of Navigating Relationships with Bipolar Disorder

 The Difficulties of Navigating Relationships with Bipolar Disorder

When I was 26, I met a woman at a punk show and there was an instant attraction. We went on a date the next weekend and hit it off. I didn’t want the date to end so I invited her back to my house and she ended up staying for an entire week. The high I felt at the beginning of this relationship was so intoxicating that I ended up telling her I loved her a couple of weeks later. I felt this was true at the time. The relationship only lasted six months and as it progressed it turned out to be the most detrimental relationship I had ever experienced. I lost all of my friends because of her. She made me feel horrible about myself. Some of the details of the relationship are so bad, I haven’t repeated them to anyone but my therapist. 

A couple of months after that relationship ended, I met a man at a rave and again there was an instant attraction. There was that high again and it was so compelling, I agreed to follow him back to a warehouse party. Fortunately the circumstances of that experience ended up being safe, but obviously it could have gone wrong. We ended up dating for ten months and it was the healthiest relationship of my life. However, about six months into the relationship, the high I had experienced in the beginning crashed and burned into a low point. I was spiraling about everything and couldn’t see outside of myself. This created tension and resentment in the relationship and ultimately ended in a break up. 

When I finally got myself into therapy and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, the patterns I had experienced in these relationships started to make sense. The highs were associated with mania and the lows with depression. “Bipolar disorder is a chronic mental disorder, which is one of the world’s 10 most disabling conditions” (Azorin et al., 2021). Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder defined by cycles of depression and mania. It is split into two types, Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. If you have Bipolar 2 it means you have experienced at least one major depressive episode and at least one episode of hypomania. Hypomanic episodes by definition typically last for at least 4 days and are characterized by heightened mood, impulsive behavior, elevated drive with work, projects and sexual activity, and an increase in restlessness and agitation. If you have Bipolar 1, it means you have experienced at least one episode of mania which is characterized by increased levels of risk taking behavior, feelings of grandiosity, and possible psychosis. “Mania and hypomania are different, but they have the same symptoms. Mania is more severe than hypomania. It causes more noticeable problems at work, school and social activities, as well as getting along with others. Mania also may cause a break from reality, known as psychosis” (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2026). 

There are many difficulties a person with Bipolar disorder can experience. A major one is navigating romantic relationships. “During hypomanic or manic states, individuals may exhibit increased affection and engagement, while depressive episodes often lead to emotional withdrawal. This unpredictable pattern can be confusing for partners and create relationship instability if not properly understood and addressed” (Miller, 2025). A person with Bipolar disorder may experience emotional variability and issues with communication. According to the therapist I interviewed, who asked to remain nameless, there may be a fluctuation in a person’s attachment styles depending on what cycle they are in. If they are manic they might be more avoidant in their attachment because of their impulsivity and wanting to go out and experience life. If they are depressive there may be closer attachment because they are seeking someone to lean on and provide emotional support. “In the beginning of a relationship, there might be more interest in the connection if the person is in a manic cycle and the person with Bipolar may seem more exciting and fun. Whereas deeper into a relationship, when they experience a depressive episode they may lose interest in the relationship.” A person with Bipolar may also experience guilt associated with the relationship struggles.

While navigating relationships can be harder for a person with Bipolar disorder, there are strategies to make it easier. Communication and disclosure are extremely important. The therapist I interviewed said if you communicate what cycles look like and explain that how you communicate will change between cycles this can help to eliminate a lot of confusion for the partner as you get deeper into the relationship. Setting boundaries in the relationship is also important. “Just because you are in an episode doesn’t mean your partner can be mean to you about it. You also can’t use an episode as an excuse to treat your partner poorly. A partner needs to be able to say, ‘I can give you understanding but these are things that need to be addressed’” She also suggested that getting treatment and utilizing the teachings of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can also be very helpful. DBT is a therapy style that was designed specifically with people with Bipolar in mind. It teaches skills in mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness. Discussing how cycles can affect your tolerance for social outings can also be really helpful for your partner. “Sometimes, when words are difficult, having signals or codes to express when one partner is feeling overwhelmed can be helpful. I’ve often used an arm squeeze and a nod toward the door when I’ve hit the end of my tolerance in challenging environments.” (Howard) 

Bipolar disorder is a chronic mental disorder that can create many difficulties for a person with that diagnosis. Navigating relationships is among these difficulties. The cycles that a person experiences can be very confusing for a partner if not communicated thoroughly. The fluctuations can be confusing for the person with Bipolar as well when navigating the relationship. Communication, boundaries and receiving treatment are going to be important strategies for making the relationship easier to manage. By utilizing these recognized strategies, there is hope that a person with Bipolar disorder can engage in a healthy relationship.

References

Azorin, J.-M., Lefrere, A., & Belzeaux, R. (2021, July 29). The impact of bipolar disorder on couple functioning: Implications for care and treatment. A systematic review. PubMed Central. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8400362/

Howard, M. (n.d.). Bipolar disorder: Strategies for connection, Communication, and care (part 2) - international bipolar foundation. International Bipolar Foundation. https://ibpf.org/managing-marriage-with-bipolar-disorder-strategies-for-connection-communication-and-care-part-2/

Miller, A. (2025, May 24). Bipolar disorder & relationships: Navigating challenges. 24/7 Digital Counseling Therapy. https://247dct.org/bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-managing-the-challenges/

Bipolar disorder - symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic. (2026, May 8). https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bipolar-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355955

The Worst Time I Was Pulled Over

The Worst Time I Was Pulled Over

My commute to work is the same every day. From my house it’s a 20 minute straight shot down Shea Boulevard until I reach my job working as a vet tech. I listen to K-Pop on the way there. Sometimes in the mornings I stop for Starbucks. Some days I hit every green light, some days every red light. The commute itself though is thankfully always uneventful.

This morning is one of the times where I hit every red light. My favorite Stray Kids songs are playing on shuffle in the background. I’m driving the speed limit. Everything seems normal until I pass a cop car that ends up pulling behind me on the road. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong but my stomach drops anyway. I’m a reformed speed demon with a natural lead foot, so my history of speeding tickets adds to the innate nervousness I feel. I pull over into the middle lane to prove to myself that they aren’t following me specifically.

We come up to a red light at Scottsdale and Shea. The police car stays in the right lane but they’ve stopped behind me and I can see from my rearview mirror that they’re looking at my license plate. What did I do wrong? Is all I can think as I’m waiting for the light to turn green again. As soon as it does, the cop car merges into the middle lane so they’re directly behind me. What did I do wrong? I keep thinking. After we pass the intersection, I pull over into the right lane again, still trying to convince myself that it’s not me they’re after. The seed of dread rooted in my stomach is growing. The car pulls over behind me again. Now I’m thinking back through the drive to figure out what I possibly could have done wrong. I feel confident I wasn’t speeding. Could it have been something else? Maybe one of my tail lights is out? Did I forget to signal at some point? My mind is racing when the police car’s lights flick on. Except it’s not just that car. Four other police cars flip their lights on too and are following me down Shea. My mind goes blank. I know I need to pull over quickly, so I turn right on Hayden to get off the busy street and pull to the side and immediately park my car. 

Now I’m pulled over and there are five squad cars pulled over behind me. The cops have all gotten out of their vehicles and they have their guns drawn. What the hell did I do wrong? I think for the last time before they start shouting directions at me that I can barely hear over the sound of cars passing. I have to ask them to repeat each of the instructions at least once and I’m scared of what could happen if I hear them wrong. “Turn off your car!” I turn off my car. “Put your keys on top of your car!” Okay. “Keep your hands where we can see them and step out of your vehicle facing away from us!” I get out of my vehicle, turn my back to the police officers and keep my hands raised towards the sky. I never thought I’d know what it feels like to have multiple guns pointed at my back. I want to cry but I hold it together. My heart is racing. I feel lightheaded and confused. There’s a sense of derealization. Everything feels unreal and foggy. It’s like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. My whole body is tense and shaking. The sounds of traffic are amplified in my mind and my own thoughts are scrambled. I can’t help but wonder about what the cars passing by must be thinking as they watch the scene unfold.

“Now walk back towards the sound of my voice!” I step back. “Keep walking!” I keep walking. I want to fall apart but the fear and terror I feel is propelling me back toward them. Back and back until I’m close enough that they can get me down on my knees and handcuff me. The handcuffs are plastic and stiff. I feel vulnerable and helpless. The asphalt feels rough against my knees through my thin scrubs. I think I must be going to jail for something but I have no idea what. My eyes have been on the ground this whole time until they ask me, “Is that your car?” “Yes,” I answer confidently. When I look up at my 2009 Honda Civic, I immediately notice something off about it. “Is that your license plate?” They ask. “No, my license plate says SWR G8TR.” I tell them. I had paid for the vanity plate a few months ago as an homage to my dog, Gator. The license plate currently on my car is just a generic mix of numbers and letters. The air shifts as everyone starts to realize I’m not the criminal they think they’re after. They run the VIN number and confirm it’s my car. As soon as they take off the handcuffs, the panic, dread and confusion I’d been holding together just falls apart and I start bawling. 

Now all of the officers are crowding around me and apologizing. They’re trying to explain that this was just the procedure that they had to follow because I could have been a criminal. I think they seem nice, but a moment ago they were pointing deadly weapons at me. They explain that the plate that is currently on my car is a stolen license plate. They start asking me questions. “Did you notice that your license plate was different?” I explain that no, I had just been home sick with COVID for two weeks and I never would have thought to look at my license plate before getting in my car. They asked if I knew anyone who would have targeted me specifically, I said no. They took the license plate from my car, said they had flagged my SWR G8TR plate as stolen and then they took down my information in case they had any follow up questions and sent me on my way. I’m going to miss that license plate.

I sobbed as I continued my drive into work. I sobbed the entire rest of the day. Some of my coworkers checked on me, but they mostly just left me alone. I should have just gone home but I couldn’t afford to. I couldn’t get over it.  I had been pulled over before for speeding tickets. Even been handcuffed once before for excessively speeding. However, this was a completely new, different and traumatizing experience. I couldn’t help but think about all of the different ways the situation could have gone wrong. What it would have been like if I wasn’t a white, unassuming woman. All it could have taken was one wrong step, one misheard instruction, one pull of the trigger for things to have gone completely different. The experience left me with trauma that affected my driving. I started experiencing a lot of anxiety when it comes to driving and mental health. I felt especially anxious at night because I started to feel like every car that pulled up behind me was a cop car. I drive so cautiously now that I never stray from the right lane and stay five miles under the speed limit. I spent a lot of time addressing this in therapy.

The experience changed how I view the police. It took my trust away from them. They’re supposed to protect us but they made me feel unsafe and targeted. I was a victim of a crime but was treated like a violent criminal. The police didn’t help me get my property back. They left me having to pay for a new license plate and for therapy sessions. It made me think a lot about the stories that have become rampant in the news about different accounts of police violence and situations that ended much worse than mine did. The police utilize unnecessary amounts of violence, escalating what could be peaceful situations into volatile ones. 

Guns are everywhere in our society. We see them in TV shows and movies. Hear news stories about gun violence and mass shootings. There are stories everywhere about police brutality. However, experiencing the fear and helplessness of having guns pointed at you shatters all your perceptions of safety and comfort. Why do we need five armed squad cars to handle a stolen license plate? If that’s all it takes to have your life threatened by police, then there is something wrong with society. It shows that there is an overwhelming theme of violence that has been normalized. It comes at a cost and takes a toll on us as people. We should be owed a certain amount of safety, but instead we are made to feel like we are walking around with targets on our backs.

How to Make Your Cat's Vet Visit Fear Free

 “How to Make Your Cat’s Vet Visit Fear Free”

We’ve all been there before. You have your vet visit scheduled for your cat, Fluffy. Maybe it’s a simple routine vet visit. Maybe there’s something wrong he needs to be seen for. Either way there’s anxiety leading up to the visit. When the time comes to get ready for the appointment you get your cat carrier out and suddenly Fluffy is nowhere to be seen. He’s hiding under the couch and hissing when you try to reach for him. Now you’re in the car and he’s yowling the entire way to the clinic. By the time you reach your destination you and Fluffy are both at wits end. It doesn’t have to be this hard. Here are some steps you can take to make your vet visit easier and more peaceful for Fluffy and you.

1. Relax - It’s natural to feel anxious before your vet visit, especially if there’s something wrong. However, cats can be sensitive creatures and they pick up on more than you think. If you’re anxious, Fluffy is more likely to feed off of that and feel anxious too. The more calm you are, the more calm Fluffy will be.

2. Ask your vet about calming medications - It can be helpful to give your cat some anti anxiety medications the night before and morning of your vet appointment. Try asking your vet about medications such as Gabapentin prior to your appointment. This can really help to take the edge off for Fluffy.

3. Leave your cat carrier out all the time - If you only utilize your cat carrier for stressful events like taking Fluffy to the vet, then that’s what Fluffy is going to associate the carrier with. If you leave the carrier out all the time, it can help desensitize your cat to it and make them more compliant and calm when it comes time to pack Fluffy up. You can even try feeding your cat in the carrier and placing treats in there from time to time tor create a more positive association.

 

4. Utilize pheromones - Feliway is a spray that mimics common cat pheromones and can help to create a sense of reassurance and reduce stress. Spritzing a small amount of Feliway in your carrier or on a towel and covering the carrier can be helpful in easing Fluffy’s stress

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5. Have treats on hand - Utilizing treats such as Churu or Lickables during Fluffy’s vet visit can be helpful in creating positive reinforcement for the experience, as well as give Fluffy something else to think about.

6. Get Fluffy used to car rides - The car ride to your vet clinic is a common stressor that can add to Fluffy’s anxiety. Try practicing taking Fluffy on short car rides around the block and back home to help desensitize him to the experience.

7. Try scheduling “Happy Visits” - Cats associate vet visits with stress because generally something not so fun happens to them while they’re there. Try taking Fluffy into the vet sometimes just to receive treats and positive attention to help create a more positive and comfortable association with the clinic setting and the staff.

Taking your cat to the vet is never a fun experience. It can create a lot of anxiety for both you and Fluffy. If not handled appropriately it can become a stressful event for you, Fluffy and your vet staff. However, if you follow these tips it can make everyone’s experience a lot easier.